| Archives Unleashed | ||
|
Here at 1202 Neptuno, I have taken it upon myself to begin releasing selections from our archival trove to the public. The first selection – provided for your pleasure below – is a faithful recopying of fragments of the first and only remaining draft of the house constitution drawn up by the May 2001 – April 2002 tenants of 1770 Vernon, Halifax. This idealistic document is the greatest world historical moment I have ever been a part of, though admittedly I was only a secretary. Unfortunately, the kitchen table - on which the final draft was inscribed with a black permanent marker one fateful night in April 2002 – has since gone missing and is presumed destroyed. The leading theory put forth by archeologists regarding the constitution’s present day location suggests that the constitution’s ruins are located somewhere at the Metro Halifax dump. |
||
|
| Fly Like An Eagle | ||
|
My approach to any decision is to think of myself as a sports decision maker. Because life is long and slow it is usually appropriate to imagine myself as the manager of a National League baseball team. However, with the task of finding the cheapest way to get the most of Ottawa’s Bluesfest, I imagined myself instead as a general manager for a small market NHL team. This change in simulation was presumably influenced by the recent and ongoing but petering feeding frenzy that is the NHL’s summer free agency market. |
||
|
| Humpers Play Reunion Shows this Week in L.A. | ||
|
People ask me all the time why I bother with this website. Nobody reads it, and nobody will read it. This is fact like Dostoevsky’s wall in Notes From The Underground. In order however to know that this wall of fact, this wall of limitation exists, we must each experience ourselves the delineation of the wall by banging our heads against it. Otherwise, we are not confined by the wall but instead we are self-persecuted by our cautious estimation of the wall. We bang our heads and hope for a miracle. Without head-banging, there are no miracles. |
||
|
| The Information Surfer's High Wave | ||
|
[On May 9th at his contract civil servant job in Ottawa, Jeffrey Monaghan was arrested for fraud by the RCMP for allegedly leaking sensitive federal government documents relating to the conservative government’s environmental policy plans] Jeffrey Monaghan is one hell of a road hockey goalie. He is no putz on the outer rink either. He was a grade above me in school. Despite my being anti-inter-grade-integration, I can say he has always been known as a good guy around the neighborhood. |
||
|
| Vay-Kay | ||
| I woke up and attempted to read the Saturday paper. Reading the lengthy investigative journalism features was impossibility. Even looking at the headlines, the pictures and the accompanying captions was nausea. Sports statistics were about all I could handle and even after awhile I had to stop that. I brewed a 6 cup pot of coffee that I had no intention of drinking. I thought the smell might help. I put on a CD, stoner rock, Kyuss’ Sky Valley, hoping that its mastodons and mastiffs, its thunder of Odin and its hammer of Zeus would pound my mind into numbness so as to take it off my body. | ||
|
| Your Monday Morning Cringe on Monday Night | ||
| What do having children and weekends have in common? | ||
|
| Your Christmas Morning Cringe | ||
|
A cultured man such as me is seated in a Chinese Restaurant. A waiter approaches him. Cultured man: What do you have in the way of sushi? Waiter: Sir, this is a Chinese Restaurant. Cultured man: Oh sorry, my mistake. What do you have in the way of sashimi? |
||
|
| The Roar of the Masses Could be Farts pt. 1 | ||
| Here at 1202 Neptuno we get a lot of fan mail. For some reason a lot of our incoming mail is carbon copied to the Globe and Mail “Letters to the Editor” section. It puzzles me how anybody could think that the petty prattle addressed to a mere national newspaper like the Globe and Mail is of any concern to an international media conglomerate like 1202 Neptuno. Regardless, we do occasionally deign to open a letter or two to make sure that the masses are as boorish as we remember them to be. | ||
|
| An Interview with Labour Historian David Montgomery | ||
|
The eminent labour historian David Montgomery recently did a series of talks in Canada entitled "Workers Movements and Imperialism: 1880's to the 1950's". What follows is a transcript of an interview I did with him at Trent University. 1202 Neptuno: First, I am interested in the Patriot Act and whether you have actually felt the consequences of that legislation in your own academic career. What has in meant for academia in the United States? David Montgomery [DM]: I think that it has meant that, first of all, [gaining] access to Government documents has become increasingly difficult. The Organization of American Historians has had a running battle to keep open archives or keep open access to archives; there have been enormous amounts of reclassifications and so forth. It has meant that foreign scholars, I think, have had an especially difficult time. And above all else in Middle Eastern studies. I headed up the ad hoc Committee on Academic Freedom for the Organization of American Historians for a couple of years and found that for the most part there was not a return to the sort of wholesale censorship of the 1940s or late 1960s. But for people dealing with Mid-Eastern studies the State Department could be very arbitrary in who they let in and publication research became increasingly difficult for them. That's where the crunch has really been felt, I think, at this point. |
||
|
| Your Morning Cringe | ||
| O.K. Hypothetically speaking of course. If we were stranded on an island just you and I. And it had been so long since we had seen anybody else that the only people we could picture in our heads were each other. And we were pretty sure that all other members of our species had been annihilated. And we could not get off when we tried to masturbate while trying to think about the former objects of our fantasies because we were both realists and required an element of possibility to our fantasies and no longer had this because we were fairly sure that the objects of our fantasies were dead and decomposed and thus unscrewable. And since the rest of our species was presumed dead, the fate of our species rested in our ability to procreate. And we both believed in the fundamental goodness of humanity. And we knew that the risk of any of our offspring having children with birth defects when they procreated with one another was only 6%, only double the base population rate of 3%. And we could handle this measured risk. And you were ovulating. And I had an erection and a high sperm count. And you were young and beautiful. And I was young and male. Then and only then, you said, you would give in and serenade me with Carly Simon’s “You're So Vain.” | ||
|
| Fuck Turkey, Burn a Residential School Instead | ||
| Just a quick reminder, as Canada braces for the consumptive orgy of the so-called "thanksgiving" feast, that October 9th is the International "Dia de la Resistencia Indigena" (Day of Indigenous Resistance). Formerly, in the United States and elsewhere, this day was used to celebrate the genocidal rampages of a little known Italian/Spanish explorer named Christopher Columbus (and the subsequent atrocities of his followers). | ||
|
| Verso Hires New Sales Rep for the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela | ||
|
Erosion of basic civil liberties and totalitarian bullshit aside, it’s hard not to love Hugo Chavez these days. The man has style. Proof: When you type “Hugo Chavez” in to the search bar in Google Video, the first thing that comes up is a clip entitled: “Chavez to Bush, you’re a donkey.” Chavez’ absurd (but fabulous) address to the UN General Assembly on Thursday made waves all over the place. Part sales pitch for Chomsky’s “Hegemony of Survival” (which, by the way, has exactly the same ideas as EVERY OTHER POLITICAL BOOK HE HAS EVER WRITTEN), part biblically inspired call-out track, this battle cry is certainly worthy of a watch. As Field Commander Mckelvey so aptly put it: “There is one way to see Hugo Chavez. Live and direct. He goes from the double guns of knowledge to the Chavez chop in one paragraph. English video http://webcast.un.org/ramgen/ga/61/ga060920am.rm?start=01:02:20&end=01:26:10 The raw uncut Spanish edition http://webcast.un.org/ramgen/ga/61/ga060920am-orig1.rm?start=00:44:56&end=01:09:05 You need Realplayer to play this, which is kind of bullshit, but it is worth it." |
||
|
| Good Hard Man Found in New York | ||
|
The apocraphyl book of Saint Hugo is now available on the world wide web: http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=45&ItemID=11015 |
||
|
| A Hard Man is Good to Find | ||
|
A few notes: First, "Hinterland" (Punk Rock on the Canadian Frontier) is being rescued from the vault of half finished projects. The recent announcement of a Propagandhi central Canadian tour-de-force has given the producers (one who cowardly fled to Corsica, the other who shamelessly fled to the People's East) the renewed energy to complete this project (remove this albatross). We, or at least I, will be at the Timmins show and probably a few others. The dates are as follows: 10/17/06 - Thunder Bay, ON, Canada Killroy's with Daggermouth. 10/19/06 - Ottawa, ON, Canada Babylon EARLY SHOW. with GFK 10/20/06 - Québec City, QC, Canada L'Anti with IHateSally, Hiretsukan and GFK 10/21/06 - La Baie, QC, Canada Vieux-Théatre with IHateSally, Hiretsukan and GFK 10/23/06 - Montréal, QC, Canada Spectrum with Chavanou, Hiretsukan and GFK 10/25/06 - Toronto, ON, Canada Funhaus with DeadPoets, GFK, Attack In Black 10/26/06 - St. Catharines, ON, Canada L3 with DeadPoets, GFK, Attack In Black 10/27/06 - London, ON, Canada The Salt Lounge with DeadPoets, The Rebel Spell, GFK 10/28/06 - Hamilton, ON, Canada The Underground DeadPoets, Hostage Life, GFK 10/30/06 - Timmins, ON, Canada GV Hotel with The Rebel Spell 10/31/06 - Sault Ste-Marie, ON, Canada Oddfellows Hall with The Rebel Spell Next, new photos coming soon (or as soon as I figure out how to use this scanner)...including, a new series on the Police/War on Terror/Surveillance culture, and more... Also, a new 1202 neptuno radio production, "Desperate Dispatches from the Sixth Borough" is currently pending approval from the Powers that Be at Trent Community Radio. More on that soon. |
||
|
| I Come to Bury Token, Not to Praise Them | ||
|
Token is dead. At Last and at least for know. Though Token declared in its song "Immortal," 'I don't want to be immortal/I don't want to be passé/ I don't want to see tomorrow/ I want to drink drink drink away today', they will -against their teenage wishes - live on in the photography of Paul Galipeau. Galipeau's photos - which were taken at Token's latest 'When hell freezes over' final show ever - are accesible to the general public for viewing at the following point break: http://flickr.com/photos/paulgalipeau/sets/72157594251818525/ |
||
|
| TOKEN SHOW TODAY | ||
|
Book your airplanes. Buy your bus packages. Cancel your weddings. Today is the Day. Token reunites. Could it be for the last time? See for yourself. Friday, August 25th at the Centretown Royal Oak across the street from Barrymores, Babylon, etc. Show starts at 10 p.m. Free. I.E. NO COVER. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. For a second opinion contact http://www.chartattack.com/damn/2006/08/2502.cfm |
||
|
| Your Morning Cringe* | ||
| When the couple found out they both only knew how to paddle the canoe on the one same side, they realized their relationship wouldn’t work out because they were incompaddleble. | ||
|
| Token Reunites, For Real | ||
| The wait is officially over. Token has announced it will reunite for at least a one-off show. Token will perform with special guests the Sweet Janes on August 25th at the Royal Oak in Centretown. Token promises that all their hits will be played including “Too Punk to Fuck,” “I Love You ‘Till I Cum,” and “She Bit Off My Middle Finger.” There will be no cover charge for entry. | ||
|
| Two Weeks in Late July Reviewed in 9 Words | ||
|
Son Volt, Ottawa Bluesfest Blacksheep Stage, July 11th: khaki Wilco, Ottawa Bluesfest Main Stage, July 15th: populist The Hi-Lo Trons, Ottawa Bluesfest Blacksheep Stage, July 16th: sweat Controller Controller, Ottawa Bluesfest Blacksheep Stage, July 16th: evaporators KC and the Sunshine Band, GLoria Gaynor, and Sister Sledge, Ottawa Bluesfest Main Stage, July 16th: biblical The New Pornographers w/o Neko Case, Ottawa Bluesfest Stage, July 16th: tribute-band Diplo, Zaphod Beeblebrox, July 16th: DJ (Disc Jock) Slim Cessna's Auto Club, (Hollywood) Babylon, July 19th: carnivalesque Sunset Rubdown w/ As the Poets Affirm, Zaphod Beeblebrox, July 26th: curt |
||
|
| Homeless Economics | ||
|
Terry’s the spur. Terry Kilrea that is. Brian’s nephew. I have returned to Ottawa to find it in the early stages of a mayoral race. Like most mayoral elections, this one as a news story is about as hot as a boy scout rubbing two sticks together. So far it is a two horse race in a one-pony town. Not much to choose from. There is the favourite - incumbent Bob Chiarelli - and then there is Terry Kilrea. |
||
|
| Mid-Term Under Review | ||
|
It’s almost that time again, the U.S. mid-term Senate elections. When I say it’s almost that time again, it might be taken to mean that these elections are occurring now - and not at some other time – because these elections are scheduled to occur at regular intervals. This is not the case. It is only coincidence that the mid-term elections are occurring mid-way through George W. Bush’s presidential term. The date of these elections is in fact not pre-scheduled at all. Instead, the date of these elections is determined by a factor completely outside the control of the American Government. The date of these elections is determined by our day-to-day scheduling here at 1202 Neptuno. |
||
|
| Corsica. Take only pictures. Leave only footprints and "For Sale" signs. | ||
|
à VENDRE Vélo tout-terrain (75 euros) Guitare Montana avec sac de guitare (60 euros) Larousse Dictionnaire Francais-Anglais (15 euros) Oxford English Dictionary (10 euros) Littérature en Anglais (5 euros chacune): Andrei Makine, Le Testament Francais Gunter Grass, The Tin Drum Charles Bukowski, Hot Water Music Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go Jonathan Franzen, The Corrections Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy Jorge Luis Borges, Labyrinths Alexander Solzhenitsyn, One Day in the life of Ivan Denisovich Russell Banks, Cloudsplitter Alice Munroe, Runaway Camilla Gibb, Sweetness in the Belly Zadie Smith, White Teeth Short Stories by Canadian Women Margaret Atwood, Survival Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time Anita Diamant, The Red Tent Fay Weldon, The Hearts and Lives of Men Guy Vanderhaeghe, The Last Crossing Patrick Suskind, Perfume Charlotte Gray, Flint & Feather Renseignements. 06. 09. 19. 81. 76 |
||
|
| Step Aside Robert Smith, Make Way For The New Hom(e)otherapy | ||
|
upon a mound of construction site leftovers it was pronounced "TO THOSE FAR AND WIDE... LET IT BE KNOWN... THAT A BAND HAS ARRIVED... ONE WHO's POWER TO THRASH ABOUT WILDLY IS ONLY SUPERSEDED BY THEIR POWER TO CURE" THEY ARE PRSENTED: T H E _ H E A L I N G _ P O W E R" THE LINEUP WAS DECLARED: seth guitarvox doug bassriot mood guitarvox chris drumsflames First tour/road trip break up- Jun 23rd Halifax North End Pub w/ The Nymphets (Mtl), The Tragedies Jun 24th Charlottetown Arts Guild w/ The Nymphets Jun 25th Fredericton TBA Jul 01 Osaka The Tiki Bar Jul 03 Tokyo the Manhole Jul 05 Kanagawa F.A.D www.thehealingpower.com (coming soon) www.thenymphets.com PS EP being recorded everyone gets patches Japanese dates to be confirmed. love - mood |
||
|
| Dear Mr. Herbert | ||
| I mind. I mind that I am implicated as a Canadian by happening to be born on Canadian soil to parents who happened to be Canadian. I mind, but I tolerate it. I carry a Canadian passport. I vote in Canadian federal elections. I show that I mind by prefacing my Canadian actions by declaring that my citizenship is happenstance. I tolerate my citizenship by acting as a Canadian nonetheless. | ||
|
| Corporate Media Launches Wave of Attacks on Inorganic Chemistry PHD Candidates, Canadian Caught in Undertow, April Cruellest Month | ||
|
Dear 1202neptuno.com, As media moguls, you must have a thick skin or a big legal department. In regards to either, I need your help. I am a simple man. I believe my tastes and needs to be fairly simple. One thing I cannot compromise on is my sense of the email aesthetic. I could not care less about how shiny my shoes look, or which collared shirt goes with which argyle vest. But I take pride in simple, effectic e-messenging. So you can imagine my sorrow at receiving the attached message. Allow me to explain something first: three or four years ago, I believed I found the answer to the problem of the "mass email". By sending all my missives care of the letters section at the globe and mail, I did away with revealing people's identities and the haughty "undisclosed-receipients" or "send to self" options. That option is no more. The globe and mail have found a terribly uncreative way to ask me to stop: they're threatening lawsuit. Friends, I ask no more than for your sympathies. And I ask that once 1202neptuno.com has established itself as a "national newspaper" (even if, like the Liberals, the tag is conferred because "reopen nominations" wasn't an option) you remember my plight and come up with a more creative way to teach a punk kid a lesson. Like printing the addresses to the party invites I sent around and watch things get out of control. I leave you here. D.E. Herbert From the Globe & Mail: April 1, 2006 Mr. David Herbert Bristol, England Dear Sir, As an avid reader of the Globe and Mail, you will know that this paper values the opinions of its readers. We take our Letters to the Editor section very seriously. Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that you have been abusing this feature. We kindly ask you to refrain from sending letters that do not relate to the content of the Globe and Mail. This includes change-of-address notices and party announcements. Unless these letters stop, we will be forced to take legal action. Thank you, Neil A. Campbell Executive Editor |
||
|
| Six Young Men Face Judgement Before Their Time, but Still the Judgement Comes Late, for Each of These Men Has Been Around For Years | ||
|
Mark Oliver Everett: UNEDITED Both Jonathan Safran Foer, who wrote an excellent first novel at age 22, and Oliver Joseph, who is a 22 year old who hangs out with 25 year olds: PRECOCIOUS Conor Mullen Oberst: JUVENILE Sufjan Stevens: SLIMLINE James Joyce, according to Roddy Doyle: UNEDITED |
||
|
| I just want them to notice me mum | ||
| When I was at Westminster last year I met the man who runs the “Canada desk” in the Foreign Commonwealth Office. This notion of a country “desk” is pretty standard governmental jargon. Usually, it refers to a team of bureaucrats who deal exclusively with common issues between the country they work for and the country they specialize in. (So, for example, people who work in the “America Desk” of the Foreign Office of country X would deal with crates of foaming at the pen letters about illegal wars, unjustified attacks, and general complaints about the world's largest corporate theocracy.) By the time I was finished shooting the shit with this dead eyed functionary I got the feeling that, in the case of Canada, the term might actually just refer to one desk (probably a cast iron tank of a thing, sitting in some basement cell of Whitehall). He confessed that his life as Canada expert was pretty empty. He had received something like thirty five inquiries in two years. Thirty four of them were about the seal hunt in Labrador (this was, of course, a full year before Linda McCartney and Danny Williams engaged in the battle to end all battles on Larry King live bringing the issue global importance). | ||
|
| Complete Olympic Coverage or Brevity is the Soul of Wit | ||
|
Day 2, Saturday During my latest turn as a foreign correspondent TV critic, I often think of my importance in terms of a particular Herman comic. In this single panel comic – available in Jim Unger’s Herman: The Fifth treasury – a typical Herman man – he has big dropping facial features and eye glasses, and his hair is thinning on the crown of his pear-shaped head – is sitting in an easy chair in his undershirt reading a newspaper. A simple headline takes up the entire front page of the newspaper: WORLD WAR III. The Herman man has the newspaper open to some page at the back of the front section- say page A46 for arguments sake- and he is talking to someone in the next room – presumably his wife who I am lead to imagine has curlers in her hair and is wearing her housecoat and is frying him up some terrible meal she will eventually burn to a crisp and serve to him. The caption under the comic reads something like: “Unbelievable! There’s absolutely nothing on TV tonight.” |
||
|
| One More One Word Review | ||
| buzz hargrove (CAW President): agentwithawire | ||
|
| One One Word Review | ||
| Eurodisney: sublime | ||
|
| Thursday's One Word Reviews | ||
|
Steven Spielberg's A.I.: emetic Stephen Harper: de facto (much like this qualifying as a one word review) Kafka's The Trial: kafkaesque Ripping of an excerpt from a movie I have never seen that I read in a rave newspaper review of said movie: priceless |
||
|
| Is it le or la Super Bowl? | ||
| Heidi and I had bet whether Super Bowl 40 would be on French television. The loser would have to make the winner of the bet a dinner of his or her choice on the night of his or her choice. Heidi is a professional cook. I am not. | ||
|
| Chodov Shotgun | ||
| The Left has been fighting a battle of subtlety for thirty years. In a world where Labour becomes New Labour, social democrats become New Democrats, and vicious right wing oligarchs whose Austrian fathers own auto parts empires become Liberal Cabinet Ministers, it is hard to draw clear distinctions. The most effective establishment parties are masters of straddling the divide. | ||
|
| Going to the Sorsica | ||
| Go to the source. The Arcade Fire leads you to David Byrne and the Talking Heads. The Sadies lead you to the Byrds. In fact, the first two disques compactes (DCs) I checked out from the library were the Talking Heads’ Remain in Light and the Byrds’ Mr. Tambourine Man. | ||
|
| ....oh fuck off already. | ||
| My German tutor thinks Americans (which, by her definition, includes Canadians) are vile, shallow people who are incapable of sustaining real friendships. She spent a year in Boston working as an haut-pere and came back with a deep loathing for the northern new world. | ||
|
| My ongoing battle with Carrefour - the Walmart / Fascist Police State of Sevran | ||
|
Chapter 1 While some of you who spend too much time on the internet, or are particularly tapped-in to the anti-consumerist scene, may be familiar with the “wal-town” tour boycotting walmarts from sea to sea to sea, I’d like to introduce you to a less familiar corporate villain on this side of the pond. Carrefour, much like Walmart, is a catch-all consumer paradise / life sucking hell hole. I pass a particularly giant one on the way to work each day. It takes up a good 40% of the walk through the mall between the train station and the school at which I teach. My first few impressions were good. The place is relatively cheap, has good variety, and some great deals. |
||
|
| Guide To Cool (Tip# 138) | ||
|
You’re at a bar. One of those faux Irish pubs complete with a traditional band alternating between U2 covers and “Drunken Sailor” and “Rocky Road to Dublin.” Someone you’re drinking with says, “Is that a Great Big Sea song?” This is what is known as a loaded question. If you say "yes," you acknowledge that you are familiar enough with Great Big Sea that you know that what is being played is a song of theirs. Mildly embarrassing, yes, but answering yes is actually better than answering no. If you answer “no,” this means either that you definitely know who wrote this lame song and it is not Great Big Sea or, what’s worse, that you know Great Big Sea’s entire catalogue so well that you are able to ascertain that though you don’t know who wrote this song it is definitely not one of Great Big Sea’s songs because you know all of them. It is best of course to respond to a loaded question with either silence or an admission of ignorance. Or if you are feeling like this question was asked maliciously to humiliate you and you want to respond not defensively but offensively, you can respond with a question of your own. “I don’t know. Why do you ask? What do you think?” Now your adversary will have to reveal the extent of his knowledge of Great Big Sea. All discourse is the venue for power. |
||
|
| A Christmas Message: To Dust You Shall Return | ||
| Let's face it, it has never been cool to belong to a political party. It wasn't cool when Goebbels abandoned his novel and joined The Party. It wasn't cool when Fat Mike admitted he was a Democrat (and then spent six months campaigning for those swine). It wasn't cool when the guy who blew the whistle on the sponsorship program decided he "just couldn't take the corruption any more" and decided to run in Ottawa South. It wasn't cool when your "friend" from University who was sooooo deep and sooooo compassionate decided to run for the Green Party to raise awareness about the things that really matter (and he didn't even realize he was carrying the banner of a boring, lame-o, utilitarian, capitalism loving, bag of posers). | ||
|
| Would You Marry Me Anyway? Would you have my baby? | ||
| Heinrich was twenty one when four Bavarian carpenters pressed his roly-poly body against a wall and hammered a nail through his left ear. His nerves had been steeled with vodka but he screamed anyway. Blood shot from the wound and rolled down the drywall; it was hot as it touched his neck. The worst was over. The sharp pain of the puncture gave way to a gentle numbness and his heart began to beat less violently. | ||
|
| Children's Story Seeking Illustrator | ||
| At some point in time - the passing of time is difficult to gauge when each day brings the same 12 hours of equatorial sun - there was a great spectacled Bear in the mountain range known then as the High Crest. For weeks, months, years maybe, she had been terrorizing the People of the High Crest, attacking them at random, slashing their necks with her claws and gnawing on their carcases. | ||
|
| Value Meal Me | ||
|
I grew up in my parent’s house in the Glebe, an upper class Ottawa Centre neighbourhood. To get myself back on my feet so to speak, I have been living there again for the past three months. Though this period has been fruitful - I have even written myself a theme song: Lives with his parents/ Heir apparent – I am glad it is drawing to a close. At the west end of the block that my parent’s house is on, the western border of the Glebe is demarcated by Bronson, a four-lane thoroughfare that runs north-south from the Ottawa River downtown all the way to the Jacques Cartier International Airport. It is here that stands the antithesis of the Glebe’s sensibilities, a McDonald’s franchise. |
||
|
| 2005 Rules, 2005 Blows | ||
| It’s November. I just saw Santa Claus. EXCLAIM!, the free national music monthly has deemed it safe to include phrases like “one of the year’s highlights” in its album reviews. Enough of the year has passed to preclude the release of any more meaningful music. Clearly people, it is time for a year-end list of the best albums of 2005. | ||
|
| Shows I've Never Been To | ||
|
(excerpted from the forthcoming autobiography What Could've Been: the wasted early years of Owen Shillingford Averill, b.a.) i The Humpers were my favourite band at the time. The Humpers were everyone in Token’s favourite band at the time. We routinely debated over the relative rankings of their albums (In my opinion: 1. Live Forever of Die Trying 2. Plastique Valentine. 3. Euphoria, Confusion, Anger, and Remorse 4. Journey to the Centre of Your Wallet 5. Positively Sick on Fourth Street). When Token played live, we routinely covered their songs. “Wake up and Lose” was a staple of our set list. We regularly threw in “Anarchy Juice,” “Chump Change,” or “Do the Wrong Thing,” for good measure. We would usually play only three covers a set. To give us some punk credibility, sometimes we would cover songs from before our time like Black Flag’s “Rise Above,” the Circle Jerk’s version of “Wild in the Streets,” or AC/DC’s “TNT.” We also did the occasional contemporary cover: The Vindictives’ “Terrible Monster,” or Turbonegro’s “Rendez-vous With Anus.” It wasn’t out of the ordinary, though, for the only three covers we did to be Humpers’ songs. Considering that we were heavily indebted to the Humpers’ influence for the originals we wrote, it was almost as if we were a Humpers tribute band. To witness singer Scott “Deluxe” Drake’s influence on my lyric writing compare the Humpers’ “Sick of Tomorrow Today” to Token’s “Immortal.” It was therefore with great anxiety that I took the news that the Humpers were coming to Ottawa that winter to play the Dominion. You see, when I find out a band I love is coming to town, I see it not as an opportunity but as an obligation. I have to go see them. I had to go see the Humpers. |
||
|
| Consider the Judgment Night soundtrack Judged | ||
| According to Plato there are but two distinct forms of music, rock and rap. Plato’s musical categories are a perfect example of the binary system of thought, a system of thought that has been called into question by the 20th century Deconstructionists. | ||
|
| Polaroids from Paradise | ||
 "we’re all scared but when you’re ugly and you don’t have much left you get strong, and I called the waiter over and I said I think I am going to turn this table over, I’m bored, I’m insane, I need action, call in your goon, I’ll piss on his collarbone." |
||
|
| Dandy Warhols' New Album Divides Canada | ||
|
They just love their own cleverness, but you won't Somewhere, there's a group of potheads listening to this disc and concluding that its indulgences-the sprawling 10-minute opuses, the mock-country ditties, the tongue-in-cheek narration-make it the most brilliant thing ever to come out of Oregon. Unfortunately, the potheads in question are the Dandy Warhols. Enamoured with their own cleverness, they've surrendered whatever identity they had-at first reacting to the moderate commercial breakthrough of 2000's 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia by putting out a synth-pop album; now passing off utter wankery as proof of artistic integrity. If this is all an inside joke, it's on whoever wastes their money on it. Adam Radwanski, National Post |
||
|
| Token in Talks for Summer 2005 Reunion | ||
|
In 1816, while vacationing in Lake Geneva, Lord Byron challenged himself and his fellow vacationers, Mary Shelley, her husband, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and John Polidari, to write a ghost story. Mary Shelley of course won the competition penning Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus. So it is that in 2005 I find myself at another famous literary house party. The challenge: who can tell the funnier story. The challengers: Steve Adamyk, member or ex-member of the Million Dollar Marxists, Token, Handicap Five, The Muggins, his eponymous solo project, Out of Sync, etc. and me, Owen Averill, member or ex-member of Token, the Cabano Boys, Cottage Industries, Beautiful Losers, etc.. |
||
|
| I Am A Deeply Religious Man | ||
|
For a brief period in Pope John Paul II's dying days, I felt compelled to write about him. I felt that my critical views of the Pope would be a fresh and necessary offset to the tendency of the press to praise the dead regardless of how vile the lives they lived. Remember Reagan? Even Nixon was forgiven on his deathbed. What dead assholes. Did we only wish these people never lived while they lived? I remember when I was in grade school and we had to write a short illustrated story about how we would make the world a better place. The first thing I did as the protagonist of my own story was to build a time machine and drown baby Adolf Hitler in a bathtub. What would the court of public opinion rule about that? |
||
|
| a letter from the poet laureate of New Brunswick | ||
|
I just got a ridiculous note from Fenn, who spends his days in the darkest depths of alienated labour, making websites for the rich and powerful I think, and I thought I would pass along an excerpt. This is the kind of poetry that flows from his cubicle: "Man, I was just listening to the conservative transportation critic. He had a designer drug voice. Smooth words that wrap up cheap junk. A freebase mix of revisionist history that is cheap and easy to sell. The wonderful high you'd get from thinking that the ideas of confederation have anything to do with present day Canada. That transportation and not health care or education, is the historic glue that we collectively huff. He might as well crush up some aspirin to get off. People talk about cleaning up the streets: we need to keep pushers like this Benedict Arnold off of them." |
||
|
| How Come We Never Write Songs on Tour? | ||
| Nightlife during daylight. Not the best light in which to see a performer. At a windowless dark concert hall during the day you can smell the rank stickiness of beer stained black floors, the empty beer bottles, and the dirty draft taps. In this cesspool of dregs the thought of drinking is repulsive. Night is without its makeup, though in here the mascaras of night and day have the same darkness. | ||
|
| Liberation in a Liberal Nation | ||
| A quality of shittiness pervaded the entire event. This is to be expected when there is a large gathering of the commonest of denominators, the supporters of the ruling political party. Last night was the opening of the Liberal youth wing jamboree, part of the larger National Liberal Party Policy Convention held annually in Ottawa. As far as I surmised, the only purpose of such an event was self-congratulatory. These youths were there to celebrate voting for the winning team. The individual merit of such an act is akin to attending a high school that happens to have an All-State Champion football team or watching and liking the movie that won best picture this year at the Oscars. | ||
|
| Please Fill Out the Survey | ||
|
i PLEASE FILL OUT THE SURVEY. For those of you who have visisted the site before, this reminder is the paradox of old news. For those of you who are first time callers, this is both the oxymoron of a first time reminder and the redundancy of new news. PLEASE FILL OUT THE SURVEY. 1)Click on Survey at the top of this web page. 2)Complete online survey. ii The next order of business is today's props drops. We would like to direct your divided multi-tasking attention to Timmins, Ontario's At The Heart of Disaster. They will be opening for choke for the Timmins installment of the Smallman tour. To hear free recordings of At The Heart of Disaster, pay a virtual visit to www.purevolume.com/attheheartofdisaster. Record their music on to tape and get off the internet. It's the weekend Punkers. |
||
|
| Does Punk Rock Exist Under Parkas? | ||
|
It's about 250 Kelvin in my nation's capital. Science speak for isolating cold. Diluted watercolour grey february. It could be colder in other punk rock outposts like Timmins or Kamploops. Who knows? The streets are empty. Exhaust is the only sign that these towns have not been abandoned. Exhaust from cars. Exhaust from chimneys. Does your neighbour still exist? Does the next town? How does this collective isolation make a scene? How does punk rock survive the winter? Keep in touch. |
||
|
| Fear the Press | ||
| Since he is too damn bashful to do it himself (that is how they bring them up on Canada's scenic East coast) I want to take this opportunity to direct you, web surfer, to a hot little piece of investigative journalism done by our man in Argentina. Fenn, the brains behind this little web portal, has posted a photo mélange of a futbol riot he witnessed a few days ago. It can be viewed in the Photos section under the biting title "Opiate of the Masses". | ||
|
| No Gods, No Masters | ||
 Raoul Duke 1937-2005 |
||
|
| Dad, You know nothing about my pain | ||
|
The following conversation recently occurred between our web geek and technical advisor, Fenn, and his father. (18:9:38) fenn: i want to take off for a week to do some shooting on this film with dave (18:10:43) Peter: Where? (18:10:49) fenn: timmins On (18:11:04) Peter: That's the arse end of nw (18:11:19) fenn: i know, it is part of the movie (18:11:35) Peter: They shoot lefties and granolas up there! (18:12:38) fenn: but it allegedly has a punk scene (18:13:07) Peter: Yeah, two kids smoking on a street corner Don't worry Timmins: just because our parents don't understand your beauty doesn't mean we won't. |
||
|
| Hinterland Gets Political | ||
|
Last night, after heated negotiations that lasted well into the morning, our board of directors decided unanimously on several issues. First of all, we are proud to announce that we will be reviewing demos and albums on our website. The music you play does not need to be punk in formula only in spirit. If your band or solo act wants to be reviewed please send your sonic art to the following address: 1202 Neptuno World Headquarters 237 Wilbrod St. Suite 5 Ottawa, Ontario K1N 6L8 Also we resolved to take an official stance on some "issues." We support the legalization of both Same Sex Marriage and Marijuana. On an aesthetic note we also resolved that neither marriage nor legalized drugs were in the least way sexy. Spin those records like a revolution. |
||
|
| Progress For Those Who Don't Believe in Progress | ||
|
We are pleased to announce that we are expanding. Our Humans (are not) Resources department has just increased our staff by 50% without increasing our payroll by a single cent. We are waiting to see what effects this has on the DOW JONES and overall consumer confidence. On board are THE GENIUS and Owen Averill. The GENIUS has been hired as an aesthetic consultant. We are grateful to both MENSA and the Canadian Military for letting her moonlight with us for the summer. Owen Averill has been hired as an administrative assistant. Currently unemployed due to a job market saturated with contemporary continental philosophers, Owen's duties will include and be limited to word processing, writing copy, and typing 25 words per minute for words that contain the letters a,s,d,f,j,k,l, and ;. Stay tuned to the Website for weekly if not daily updates. We have already confirmed Timmins as a featured scene in our film. We are at the moment concentrating our research on La Belle Province de Quebec. So far we have found Jonquiere and Rimouski to be the most appealing locations. We would appreciate it if anyone who lives in or is familiar with a hot Quebec scene would fill out our questionaire. Doing so may bring international notoriety to you, your friends, and your hometown. We will also soon be bombarding Quebec with Propaganda written in the Language of Love (la langue d'amour), that is as soon as our administrative assistant figures out how to use accents. Clearly, at Hinterland we have been condemned with the ancient chinese curse "MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES." Adieu |
||
|
| Necrophilia, New Brunswick, and a new beacon of hope from Moncton | ||
| In our ongoing efforts to research small town Canadian punk rock scenes for the impending masterpiece "Hinterland: Punk Rock on the Canadian Frontier" we have been soliciting information from young rockers from coast to coast. We have been hearing a lot from folks in Moncton, New Brunswick recently. It seems a band called the Deadfucks are taking that snowy, bilingual, hamlet by firestorm. Almost every Monctonist who has taken the time to fill out our little questionaire has raved about this band. You can check out their website at www.thedeadfucks.com and you can help us with our research by telling us about your scene at www.hinterland-film.ca....all who take the time to fill out the survey will be automatically entered for a chance to win some skate swag and a few little teasers from independent Canadian record labels. Also, your information is safe. We promise not to use it for any insidious capitalist side projects. Assuming, that is, you don't find calls and visits from salespeople insidious. | ||
|
| Virtuoso takes break from Avant-Garde, Joins Apres-Garde | ||
| more | ||
|
| Angry Youth Overcome Impossible Odds, Climb Scaffold | ||
| more | ||
|
| 1202 Neptuno Online | ||
| We have the site up. Be prepared. | ||
|